“I’m in a mix of trying to be my own person and making my parents proud”

Story 28, Crystal Zheng, Second-Generation Chinese-American 

Interview conducted & story written by Amanda Yuanyuan Wu

Edited by Noor Mchallah

For Crystal’s family, migrating to America meant opportunity. Both of Crystal’s parents came to America with their families from China, Crystal’s mother at the age of 10 and her father at the age of 15. Even though Crystal’s father was five years older than her mother, he had to repeat his high school years to improve his English skills, which led to them attending the same university. 

Crystal said life in America was a hard start for both of her parents. “They used all of their money to come to America,” Crystal said. “They had to earn everything themselves.” 

 To relieve his family’s financial burden, Crystal’s father needed to work and learn at the same time. Whereas Crystal’s mom came at a relatively young age, she had plenty of time to build up her language skills and adapt to the local environment. However, no one in her family was familiar with American society, so she had to navigate it all by herself.

 As Crystal’s parents migrated in different stages of their life, how well they fit into American society differed. Crystal said it was harder for her father to immerse into American society since his habits were shaped before he came to America. “They (her father’s family) did not have contact with actual American people, besides when my dad went to school,” Crystal said. “Even today, my grandparents go to the Chinese supermarkets.”

 It was not only their daily behaviors that were shaped by their experiences. Crystal’s parents also took different approaches in their careers.

Although both of her parents have careers in  business, Crystal’s father focuses on markets in China and Taiwan. “His interactions with American people are limited,” Crystal said. “Whereas my mom works at a global company. She often goes into meetings with people from different parts of the world.”

Crystal said her parents “built their character based on migrating here.” She described her father as a “strong-willed person” as he formed his way of dealing with bullies and criticisms. On the contrary, her mother was more open to different cultures and conversations. With both Chinese and American cultures instilled, Crystal’s mother is able to adapt to different people from different backgrounds.

Crystal said her parents’ migration experience and lifestyle shaped who she is. When her parents took her to travel around the world, Crystal said she learned to adapt as her mother did. Visiting her parents’ hometown resonated with her deeply. “It was great to have the best of both worlds,” Crystal said. “I got to learn my parents’ culture while having my American upbringing.”

“I know how important it is,” Crystal said, using the only Chinese phrase during our interview, “先苦后甜 (pleasure comes through toil).”

Crystal also admired her parents’ attitude and work ethic. “The way they work hard, I want to be like them,” Crystal said. “I want to be someone who wants to go high in life, in areas that would make my parents proud of me.”

Crystal said her parents were strict in shaping her habits. From a young age, she learned to be modest. Putting herself down helps to make her feel less pressured and more motivated to work, which allows for her to work diligently. 

“I know how important it is,” Crystal said, using the only Chinese phrase during our interview, “先苦后甜 (pleasure comes through toil).” Crystal said that she perceived working hard constantly as her work ethic. “Just knowing how successful my mom is, I feel like I always have the pressure of trying to be like her,” Crystal said. “Or trying to fit into the ideal daughter.”

Crystal said that her parents always tried to offer her the opportunities they didn’t have access to. Crystal’s mother didn’t attend a top school because of financial issues, while Crystal was able to access great schools. Her parents wanted her to have the opportunity to go to high-level schools and achieve her dreams with minimal barriers in her way.

With her parents’ expectations and her own dream, Crystal said that she needed to feel “validated” about her accomplishments. Meanwhile, she wished she could be the type of person who feels good about what she does, and accomplished without praise. 

“I’m in a mix of trying to be my own person and making my parents proud,” Crystal said.