“I’m not trying to be the most American I can be. I belong to my own category of existing”

Story #25

Soraya Silva, first-generation Portuguese-American

 Interviewed & Written by Amanda (Yuanyuan) Wu, edited by Noor Mchallah

Soraya Silva, first-generation Portuguese-American

“I’m not trying to be the most American I can be,” Soraya said. “I exist in both spaces (both America and Portugal).”

When immersed in two different cultural environments, it can be difficult to find a place in either of them. Yet Soraya Silva found herself in between. Regarding her cultural identity, Soraya Silva said that it is “never 100% either.” “I belong to my own category of existing,” Soraya said.  

 Born in a Portuguese immigrant family that emphasized cultural pride and social interaction, Soraya grew up immersing in Portuguese and American cultures at the same time.

Soraya said that she remembered her father telling her to “be proud of our (Portuguese) culture” since childhood, which gave her the power to speak out. “That’s how I deal with situations now when I can tell that someone is not treating me in the way that they would be if I were as American as they are,” Soraya said.  

Like some first-generation immigrant children, Soraya experienced a period of cultural uncertainty. Soraya said that even though she followed her father’s words in childhood, she still questioned how and why to be proud of her own culture while trying her best to be American. “But now I am an adult, and the way he (Soraya’s father) instilled that pride in me makes me finally feel it,” Soraya said.

Different from her father who interacted mostly with familiar faces within the community, Soraya’s mother showed her the potential of social exchange.

Soraya’s mother operated her own daycare center at home. Through the daily interactions, she made a deeper connection with American society.

Soraya’s attitude toward interpersonal conversations was impacted by her mother’s. Soraya said she preferred large cities’ “dynamic”, in which she can connect with people through all kinds of activities.

Exposed to a diverse community with a mixture between multi-generation Americans and immigrants, Soraya encountered multiple cultures. “I liked having both experiences when growing up,” Soraya said. “I learned to respect and deal with people from different cultural backgrounds.” 

Soraya said that she would adjust herself according to the task she does or the people she talks to. “I bring out one side more depending on the context,” Soraya said.

However, Soraya said that she “never fully felt immersed in American culture.” Raised in a family that was not culturally American, Soraya still experienced cultural gaps in American society.

“I’m not confident enough speaking with specific people who are from American born families,” Soraya said. “I can never fully understand some of their references or feel like I belong with them.”

Coping with two systems of culture and language, Soraya said she switched her mode and attitude depending on her surroundings. 

When in a space that is more aligned with her own cultural background, Soraya said, “I can then become this version of me when interacting with the people I’m more comfortable with.”

Soraya also said that her white American face made it much easier for her to immerse into American society compared to immigrants with darker skin tones. Soraya said that, because of her skin color, she had more “privileges” than some of her community members did. 

Growing up in a diverse community, Soraya said she learned to respect and interact with people from all backgrounds. 

Soraya said that as she realized her privilege for being identified as white, she always wanted to support the minorities, including those from her own ethnic group. She was actively trying to reduce the chances that people would experience unfair treatments due to skin color and origin. 

With this mindset, Soraya said she was not upset about how she was different from truly Americanized Americans. She said that she found her space in this multicultural environment, meeting people from different races and cultural backgrounds with “professionalism.” 

“I’m not trying to be the most American I can be,” Soraya said. “I exist in both spaces (both America and Portugal).”