“Just knowing that I have my family, kids, husband, that’s something really joyful… I have people who got my back.”

Story #45, Rouky Lawal, Beninese Immigrant  

Interview conducted and story written by Keya Bharel Waikar

Edited by Margharita Marras

Just two weeks after  9/11, Rouky Lawal said goodbye to her family and friends in Benin to join her husband, Kasso, in America. At the time, Kasso was studying for his PhD in mathematics at Georgia Tech University. 

When recalling her departure from Benin, Lawal commented that “When I was leaving, it was just [as if I was] traveling to see Kasso.” But she quickly realized that her move to America was not just a vacation where she would eventually go back home to her family. She admitted “When I came here, that’s when I realized, ‘Oh this is my new life.’ I left my family. It was really, really hard. I would cry everyday. It was hard on me, leaving my family, everything, my job.” 

Lawal emphasized the support of her husband during this major life transition, “Because Kasso was there, you know, so that was a big, big help.” Speaking with Kasso in her native language and about their home country provided her with profound comfort. 

But outside her home, Lawal was less at ease as she did not speak English. She explained: “I’m someone who is really outgoing. I like to talk. But because of the language [barrier], I was really shy… So I was very closed [off]. I didn’t want to talk because I didn’t want to speak English and make a mistake talking.” 

To overcome this challenge, Lawal took free English classes at a church, whose community she remembers with gratitude: “If you go to church, they also have some people who are willing to have you in their house, have you every Thanksgiving, every Christmas. That was really nice.” 

Unable to work given her husband’s student visa status, Lawal decided to volunteer at the Red Cross, which she mentioned was “something I used to do in Benin. When I came here I was like, I’m not working, I need to do something. I cannot be staying home all the time.” After two years in Atlanta, however, Lawal packed her things up once more, and followed her husband to Ithaca, New York, where he had just accepted a position as an Assistant Professor at Cornell University.  

“It was a small city. There weren’t many things to do, so they had a lot of stuff for the student’s wives like cooking class, hiking class,” Lawal recalls. Joining such clubs helped her meet many people and find a community. She smiles as she thinks about the two baby showers that were thrown for her—a testament to her ability to foster community. While in Ithaca, Lawal and her husband welcomed their daughter Shadeh into the world. Two years later, she started working after finally obtaining a work permit.

After giving birth to Shadeh, the three shortly moved to Maryland where Lawal would go on to become a lab technician. There, the family quickly became a part of the Beninese community. Lawal shows deep appreciation for this community which connected her to her home country. However, she had to learn how to balance her heritage with American culture: “You need to be in the middle. We have both sides so you need to take advantage of both sides. [There are] good things about both sides so you can make your own thing.” 

As a mother of three to daughter Shadeh and younger twin sons Shola and Femi, Lawal places even more emphasis on balancing two cultures as she noted that “Especially if you have kids, they grow up here, this is the only thing they know. So you can’t try and force them, because of your background, to do what you know. You have to balance both.” 

Lawal continues this balancing act in her new home of Brookline, Massachusetts. After living in Maryland for 17 years, the move in 2018 was tough for her. Regardless, Lawal’s magnetic personality allowed her to meet many new people—a common thread in her series of moves. She mentioned that “everywhere we go, I really have good people in my way.” 

In reflecting on her migration experience, Lawal emphasized the importance of her family, “Just knowing that I have my family, kids, husband, that’s something really joyful… I have people who got my back.” She values America as a country for opportunities where she was able to finish her schooling as a new mother of three. She commented that, in America
“If you want to do something, you do it… Everyone has a place here.” 

Despite these opportunities, she also reminded others that “If you decide to leave everything back home and want to start a new life, that is it, this is your new life. You will have a hard time, you know, because you’re used to something back home… You used to have everything: the language, the people, the culture. Everything is different, you just have to be open minded.” 

Lawal has been able to create a beautiful life in the United State whilst maintaining a close connection with her Beninese heritage. She reminds other immigrants “Don’t forget where you’re coming from. You are somebody. I’m from Benin, we do things different than here. I would not throw away all my culture, all my beliefs. I have to balance both [cultures].”